The Post Truth Post

British Leyland resurrected as Honda drives off into the sunset

British Leyland Logo
Photo credit: Foshie | Flickr

Brits could soon be driving the cars of yesteryear, as Honda and Nissan demonstrate that leave really does mean leave in Japanese.

With the two Japanese car manufacturers loading the roof rack for the long drive back to Tokyo, twice winner of the ministerial wooden spoon, Chris Grayling, announces a radical new plan to get post-Brexit Britain back on the road.

“I am pleased to announce my plan to revive the powerhouse of Great British automotive engineering that was, and will be, British Leyland”, Grayling told car workers. 

“This bold and may I say, cunning plan, will see motoring in this great country return to its glory days, the days of the Austin Allegro, the Metro and the Montego.

“Japanese car imports in the 1970s were in part responsible for the demise of British Leyland, so it is fitting that as we start this new chapter in our history, we also turn back a few pages.”

The move has been welcomed by the Labour Party who have cited the important role of trade unions and the labour movement in crippling the company the first time around, a spokesman told us.

 “We fully support the Government in this move, and look forward to calling an all out strike as soon as the production lines are up and running.”

Grayling played down the degree to which Brexit may have been a deciding factor for the Japanese firms' relocation but was keen to point out the advantage to the Brexit project of a reanimated British Leyland. 

“Whether Brexit finally happens or not, the sight of broken down Morris Marinas and Austin Maxis on the country’s hard shoulders will certainly give the impression the clock has been turned back to 1973."

Corbyn dumped after forgetting Valentine’s Day

Jeremy Corbyn
Photo credit: DepositPhotos

The Labour leader has been dumped by seven long term MPs who stated that they would rather be single than continue in a relationship with the Dangerous Hero. 

The mass dumping follows what is being called the “Valentine’s Day faux pas” by sources close to Corbyn, who is alleged to have forgotten to send Valentine’s Day cards to some of his MPs this year. 

At a press conference held by the seven defectors, Luciana Berger told reporters, “Valentine’s Day was the end of the line for me, the final straw”.

“For a while now, Jeremy hasn’t been representing me or my values. It was all about him, his career, his ideology, his allotment. 

“He pays little or no attention to me or my constituents and to top it all he forgot Valentine’s Day.” she sobbed. 

Berger continued, “I will be seeking full custody of my constituents, that’s for sure.”

Chuka Umunna, also thought to be one Valentine’s Day card short this year, told the press pack:

“Being single in parliament is quite a tough, especially in this day and age. 

“Sure people have tried it but no one takes you seriously, just look at poor Douglas Carswell, regardless, I’d rather be single than part of a union with Corbyn.”

Umunna updated his Facebook status to single shortly after the press conference and is clearly serious about the split as his Tinder profile now reads, “Recently single, seeking centre leftist for long term relationship, no Marxists, and no dick pics.”