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No cold beans for you, Corbyn tells defectors

Jeremy Corbyn
Photo credit: stopwar.org.uk | Flickr

The Labour leader has lashed out at Labour Party defectors saying that when the revolution comes they will be last in line for cold baked bean rations.

Seven MPs have resigned from the Labour Party in protest over the enforced diet of cold, supermarket own brand, baked beans.

At a press conference, the seven told reporters they’d simply had enough of Corbyn's bland ideological diet of cold tinned beans.

“Labour has always been a big tent party, and like any party in a big tent, we believe there should be a full buffet, not just tins of beans." Gavin Shuker, MP for Luton South, told reporters. 

“We want a Labour Party that serves cheese and pineapple chunks on sticks, sausage rolls and Hamas for the Blairites.”

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“Sorry, I’m mean ‘humous’ for the Blairites. We definitely don’t support Hamas.”

An infuriated Jeremy Corbyn hastily assembled his own press conference from the shed on his allotment, branding the seven as enemies of the revolution.

“I have tried to reason with them. I have extended to olive branch of Waitrose essential baked beans, but they have stabbed me and the Labour Party in the back, like a misplaced fork through a crop of organic potatoes.” Mr Corbyn said.

“But mark my words, when the revolution comes there will be no beans for these traitors, not Tesco value, nor Morrisons Market Street, not even Asda Smartprice.”

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