The Post Truth Post

Get your baps out for Brexit says Johnson

Boris Johnson
Photo credit: Depositphotos

Leading Brexiteers are urging women to get their tits out and show Brussels what they’ve got.

A rather excited Boris Johnson, architect of the soft protest, announced the move.

“There I was watching Good Morning Britain and would you believe it topless totty.” he exclaimed.

Johnson is believed to be referring to economist, Dr Victoria Bateman, who appeared nude on the ITV breakfast show, this morning, with a slogan 'Brexit leaves Britain naked’ written across her breasts. 

“Well I thought, what better way to show the EU that we’re ready for a good hard Brexit than a bunch of Brexit babes with their baps out.

“I’ll, of course, be leading this part of the campaign from the front and personally emblazoning each pair of bristols with a leave slogan about NHS funding and the like.” 

Johnson went on to pontificate about British culture being the best in the world, sighting Page 3, Carry On films and Benny Hill as examples.

Asked by reporters whether he thought women should go the full monty Johnson responded:

“Ah no, I don’t believe that will be necessary, I think the public have seen enough Brexiteer c***s.” 

Corbyn: Never seen Star Wars

Corbyn Kenobi

0.8% of Brits identify as Jedi, and yet the ‘dangerous hero’ has probably never seen the greatest film ever made. 

The Post Truth Post can exclusively reveal that we suspect the Labour leader has never seen Star Wars and as such is not fit to be British prime minister. 

Our scoop, which must surely leave Mail on Sunday hacks red-faced,  comes on the back of that paper’s detailed exposé that Jeremy once ate beans from the tin and is a fair-weather Arsenal fan. 

Despite dedicating their entire Sunday edition to excerpts from Tom Bower’s book ‘Dangerous Hero: Corbyn’ Ruthless Plot For Power’, the Daily Mail appears to have missed the fact that Corbyn has probably not even seen the original trilogy.

390,127 Brits identified as Jedi in the 2001 census making it the fourth largest reported religion, knowing your Wookie from your Womp rat must rank above picking out Heinz beans in a blind taste test for any wannabe PM.

The leader of the opposition may have a passing resemblance Alec Guinness’ portrayal of Obi-Wan Kenobi and is seen by many as the last hope for the universe but may not be familiar with the film franchise. 

At a rally in 1985 a straight-faced Corbyn told the assembled miners:

“If you strike now you shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

While a party worker recounted that he once commented to colleagues: 

“You don’t need to see his identification, these aren’t the jews you’re looking for, he can go about his business.” without even a hint of irony.

Dangerous hero or rebel scum it seems the only force strong in this Jedi master comes from all those beans.