The Post Truth Post

Corbyn: Never seen Star Wars

Corbyn Kenobi

0.8% of Brits identify as Jedi, and yet the ‘dangerous hero’ has probably never seen the greatest film ever made. 

The Post Truth Post can exclusively reveal that we suspect the Labour leader has never seen Star Wars and as such is not fit to be British prime minister. 

Our scoop, which must surely leave Mail on Sunday hacks red-faced,  comes on the back of that paper’s detailed exposé that Jeremy once ate beans from the tin and is a fair-weather Arsenal fan. 

Despite dedicating their entire Sunday edition to excerpts from Tom Bower’s book ‘Dangerous Hero: Corbyn’ Ruthless Plot For Power’, the Daily Mail appears to have missed the fact that Corbyn has probably not even seen the original trilogy.

390,127 Brits identified as Jedi in the 2001 census making it the fourth largest reported religion, knowing your Wookie from your Womp rat must rank above picking out Heinz beans in a blind taste test for any wannabe PM.

The leader of the opposition may have a passing resemblance Alec Guinness’ portrayal of Obi-Wan Kenobi and is seen by many as the last hope for the universe but may not be familiar with the film franchise. 

At a rally in 1985 a straight-faced Corbyn told the assembled miners:

“If you strike now you shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

While a party worker recounted that he once commented to colleagues: 

“You don’t need to see his identification, these aren’t the jews you’re looking for, he can go about his business.” without even a hint of irony.

Dangerous hero or rebel scum it seems the only force strong in this Jedi master comes from all those beans.

The Daily Mash cashes in its chips

Nish Kumar on the The Mash Report
Photo credit: The Mash Report | BBC

The spouses of struggling news satirists have been treated to a healthy dose of ‘I told you so’ as The Daily Mash is sold for £1.2m.

Internet satirists are said to be feeling smug on hearing the news that Mashed Productions, the parent company of satirical news website The Daily Mash, has been sold to Digitalbox for a staggering £1.2 million.

Feeling that their hitherto dubious life choice of quitting a real job to write nonsense on the Internet is now some how validated, aspiring satirists across the country have left their garden-shed offices and headed to the nearest luxury car garage.

The long-suffering partner of midlife crisis enthusiast and founder of The Post Truth Post told us:

“Yeah, he’s been ecstatic, running around the house like he’s won the lottery or something.

“I was going to point out that he’s still not making any money but then he booked a luxury cruise, so win-win I suppose.” 

With opportunities to short the pound expected up dry after Brexit, city insiders are speculating that the Mash deal could herald the start of a renewed interest in satirical news sites for savvy investors. 

One man likely to profit from a so-called ‘spoof news bubble' would be Simon Williams of the UK’s much loved and imitated NewsThump.

Mr Williams was not available to comment on the sale of the Mash but has been connected with deals to purchase a second-hand yacht from Sir Philip Green and couple of used Range Rovers from Prince Philip.