The Post Truth Post

Cancelled blood donor sessions in Kent could see Westminster Vampires go hungry

Blood Donor
Photo credit: Amornthep Srina

The cancellation of blood donor sessions, over traffic congestion fears around channel ports in the lead up to Brexit, may leave Westminster blood-suckers critically short of food.

NHS Blood and Transplant centres in Kent will close two weeks before the UK leaves the EU on March 29th and for six weeks after.

This follows concerns that a no-deal Brexit could lead to gridlock around the ports of Dover and Folkestone, stopping teams from transporting donations to the bloodsuckers occupying the Palace of Westminster.

The decision, made today, is likely to anger Parliamentarians as Kent is a popular source of fresh blood due to the short transfer distances to London.

With Parliament using the long dark nights, usually reserved for winter hunting, to vote on endless amendments to the Prime Minister's EU Withdrawal Bill, alternative supplies of blood are being sought.

“They dare not vote during daylight hours” hunch-backed civil servant, Igor, told us. 


“We rarely see them during the day, winter is usually a frenzied time feeding for the Masters.”

MPs keen to receive their daily dose of O-negative may have to revert to human sacrifices in order to feed their lustful desires.

Jacob Rees-Mogg is apparently chairing a cross-bench committee to research an arcane parliamentary procedure that would allow for these sacrifices to be resumed.

While alternative sources of human blood are investigated rat traps will be deployed around the Commons. 

“The masters are not keen on the blood of rat, a little to close to home if you know what I mean.” Igor chuckled.

“But it’s either the rats or their constituents and they can’t stand the sight of them.”


About Us