Theresa May will wake up from the weekend to face, what many claim, will be her toughest ever week in office. Pundits are predicting it could be even tougher than last week and the week before that.
Mrs May, the current record holder for the most consecutive embattled weeks in office, as reported by news outlets everywhere, faces another week of being battered from all sides, particularly her own side.
With a crunch vote on her own personal favourite Brexit deal on Tuesday, absolutely everyone is expected to be lining up to put the boot in, just like last week and every other week since she entered Number 10 back in July 2016.
Political reporters of all stripes are likely to be assembling on College Green this morning to deliver empty statements to camera about the toughness of Mrs May’s forthcoming week. While news anchors are anticipated to question them on the, by now, somewhat self-evident sources of the trouble the PM could face.
Reportedly, the week started badly for the Prime Minister when she arrived at breakfast to find that Larry, the Number 10 cat, had literally shit on her cornflakes.
In doing so, the feline remoaner stole the march on Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg, who had both spent the weekend dreaming up new ways to figuratively shit on the PM’s cornflakes.
Undeterred the PM was heard to mutter “breakfast means breakfast” and tuck into the floater infested Frosties, no doubt in preparation for the fresh shit she is going to have to eat this week.