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Palace confirms that The Queen’s golden piano was purchased at John Lewis

Queen Elizabeth with a golden piano

A spokesman for the Queen has confirmed that the golden piano pictured behind Her Majesty during her annual Christmas speech was purchased at John Lewis.

The Queen used her traditional Christmas Day broadcast to suggest to her subjects that, whichever way they happened to vote in the Brexit referendum, could they please just try a little bit harder to get along. 

Stopping short of directly telling the ordinary people to stop sending each other death threats on social media, asking for a second referendum or using the phrase “we won get over it”, she suggested that;

“Even with the most deeply held differences, treating the other person with respect and as a fellow human being is always a good first step towards greater understanding.”

However, this message of goodwill was upstaged by the presence of a solitary gilded piano that has captured the imagination and fury of the retweeting classes. 

Following days of speculation as to the origins and cost of the golden instrument, and with far too many people pointing out “well she’s a Queen, of course she’s got a fucking golden piano” the Royal Household set the record straight in a statement published last night;

“Each year, Her Majesty looks forward to the release of the John Lewis Christmas advertisement and, like too many of us at Christmas, she gets drawn in by the heartwarming sentimentally of its message and tends to go a little overboard with the credit card.

“As many of her subjects will recall, this year’s ad, ‘The Boy and the Piano’ features a piano. As such I can confirm, yes the Queen did purchase a new piano and yes it is gold, but then she is a fucking Queen so of course its fucking gold.” 


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