The Post Truth Post

The Daily Mash pledges £4.5m to boost struggling satirical websites

Nish Kumar on the The Mash Report
Photo credit: The Mash Report | BBC

Following news on Monday that Facebook intends to fund trainee ‘community’ journalists, in the hope of reviving the moribund local newspaper industry it has helped destroy, The Daily Mash has followed suit pledging £4.5m to fund failing satirical websites across the UK.

Mashed Productions Limited, internet giant and owner of the popular fake news site "The Daily Mash", is set to make available a big bag of cash to subsidise the cost of training junior satirists at struggling UK publications.

Mash spokesperson Nish Kumar, announced the fund from a jacuzzi full of vintage Cristal; “Well we’ve made a huge amount of money milking the BBC for two series of the Mash Report and it’s time to give something back.”

"It’s tough out there. Everyday, lesser UK satire sites close their laptops for the last time.” Kumar continued, lighting a cigar with a fifty pound note.

“We want to help the next generation of ‘funny down the pub’ blokes quit their jobs in finance or management consulting. We want them to live that dream, penning a couple of hundred words of second rate comedy a day, while scraping a living from Google AdWords and Facebook likes.”

A spokesman for The Post Truth Post, the UK’s smallest satirical news outlet by Google search ranking, welcomed the fund; “Free money from the Mash? Yes please and if Nish could give us a shout out next time he’s on the Jonathan Ross Show that would be great too.”

Trump denies pants on fire caused by being a liar

Donald Trump
Photo credit: Depositphotos
President Trump was left red-faced and rosey cheeked this weekend, when his trademark baggy suit pants appeared to spontaneously combust during a press conference. Mr Trump was addressing reporters in Washington DC, shortly after returning from his visit to the fire ravaged Californian town of Paradise. While responding to questions about the causal link between climate change, nine years of drought and the devastating wildfires sweeping across Northern California, wisps of smoke were seen to issue from the presidential posterior. "I have a strong opinion," the President told the press pool. "I want great climate and we're going to have that and we're going to have forests that are very safe.” “You’ll have heard so-called experts trying to tell you that the increase in deadly wildfires is the result of climate change, but it’s not true. Fake news. So sad.” he continued, flames now visibly licking at the boxy vent of his jacket. The president was quickly extinguished by his security detail and the press conference called to a halt. Trump later tweeted, “You’ll have heard so-called experts trying to tell you that pant fires are caused by the pant wearer being a lair, but that’s not true. Fake news. So sad”