Depositphotos Today former Prime Minister, Tony Blair, will tell the country that just because the majority voted to leave the EU doesn't mean the UK should leave the EU and urge Theresa May to ignore the result of last year's referendum.
"Look, it's a lot like that time when you all marched through the streets of London imploring me not to invade Iraq" Mr Blair will say.
"Did I listen? No I did not and if I was Prime Minister now I wouldn't listen again, unless I happened to agree with you in which case I'd suggest you rise up in defense of my beliefs"
"Look I've even prepared this dossier of well researched facts about why we should be going in to Europe, I mean, staying in Europe"
"Full EU membership means a strong pound. It means free movement. Both of these are vital to the many British people who make a living through highly paid speaking engagements in the cities of Europe"
In a further throwback to the early noughties, Donald Trump held a press conference on his golf course in which he announced his intent to rename Washington Trumpton ending his statement with
"Now watch this drive, it's the best"
Magda Ehlers In an emergency session late last night the Scottish parliament voted to send emergency food aid to their stricken southern neighbours.
Difficult whether conditions in Europe, that are in no way related to climate change, and the weak pound, which is in no way related to Brexit, have lead to vegetable shortages across southern England with some Waitrose stores limiting customers to just one punnet of organic wheat grass per visit.
Scottish minister for nutrition, Hamish McFishlove, announced the aid package
"We recognise that the metropolitan liberal elite in the south of England have been hit hard by this vegetable shortage, what with them all being vegan and what have you, and will do all we can to assist our malnourished neighbours.
"The Scottish have adapted to a diet that is almost entirely bereft of vegetables over centuries and we are glad to lend our culinary expertise in your time of need." McFishlove continued.
Reports of a convoy of 'scran vans' heading south down the M1 has been met with excitement in one of the hardest hit areas of North London with yummy mummy @TabithaDarling101 tweeting
"I rather enjoyed Burns night at Boisdale this year. Hope they have gluten free vegetarian haggis. lol!! #avocadocrisis."
Elsewhere a protest march, that almost definitely would have changed the government's mind on
, has been cancelled with organisers stating in a press release:
"While we are still fully committed to telling people exactly why they voted incorrectly in the referendum, many of our members are too weak to physically march so we'll be focusing our efforts on the comments section of the Guardian website for the time being. #avocadocrisis."