Secretary of State for Transport Chris Grayling is expected to unveil an ambitious new plan to fire fourteen billion pounds directly into the sun.
Grayling has a strong track record for wasting taxpayer’s money on harebrained schemes, and this could be his best yet.
“We thought the minister had peaked when he paid out thirty-three million pounds to Eurotunnel in compensation for the no-deal Brexit ferry service,” Jasper Fishlove a civil servant attached to the DfT told us.
“Of course, we didn’t know then that his plan to privatise the National Probation Service would rack up a bill of five hundred million pounds while simultaneously increasing the number of ex-offenders returning to prison and ultimately failing.”
While the full details of the ‘solar spondulicks scheme’ are yet to be announced, sources close to the DfT predict a three-phased approach to wasting taxpayer money.
“I’d expect the minister would waste seventeen or eighteen billion pounds designing a rocket that doesn’t fly first,” says Mr Fishlove.
“Then he’d go out to the private sector, perhaps buying a rocket from Jeff Bezos, let’s say that costs six hundred and fifty million pounds, assuming he has an Amazon Prime membership.
“After that, it’s just the cost of minting fourteen billion pounds and firing them into the sun, let’s say forty billion and change in total.
“Compared to the money being wasted on Brexit I’d say the public would be getting a good deal really”.