The government has called in a team of experts from Southern rail to help manage the ongoing delay to Brexit.

It is hoped the team from Govia Thameslink, which runs Southern, can use their expertise in apologising for delays and providing appalling customer service to improve public perception of the government’s handling of Brexit.

Transport Secretary Chris Grayling is thought to have suggested bringing in the rail industry experts after remembering what a great job train companies did at taking the blame for the timetable chaos he presided over last summer.

A DExEU memo, that was leaked after being found on a train, lists some of the proposed measures for managing the delayed Brexit service. 

1) All MPs will be required to use the phrase, “The government apologises for the delay to Brexit and any inconvenience caused.” at the end of interviews and public statements.

2) Brexit departure boards will be erected in city centres to communicate the current level of delay to Brexit, although some of these boards will just be a blue screen with no information on them.

3) If no progress has been made by early October, the government will start issuing warnings that leaves on the line may cause last minute changes to the Brexit timetable.

Rumours that voters will be required to purchase return tickets to participate in a second referendum have not been confirmed.