In an emergency session late last night the Scottish parliament voted to send emergency food aid to their stricken southern neighbours.

Difficult whether conditions in Europe, that are in no way related to climate change, and the weak pound, which is in no way related to Brexit, have lead to vegetable shortages across southern England with some Waitrose stores limiting customers to just one punnet of organic wheat grass per visit.

Scottish minister for nutrition, Hamish McFishlove, announced the aid package

“We recognise that the metropolitan liberal elite in the south of England have been hit hard by this vegetable shortage, what with them all being vegan and what have you, and will do all we can to assist our malnourished neighbours.

“The Scottish have adapted to a diet that is almost entirely bereft of vegetables over centuries and we are glad to lend our culinary expertise in your time of need.” McFishlove continued.

Reports of a convoy of ‘scran vans’ heading south down the M1 has been met with excitement in one of the hardest hit areas of North London with yummy mummy @TabithaDarling101 tweeting

“I rather enjoyed Burns night at Boisdale this year. Hope they have gluten free vegetarian haggis. lol!! #avocadocrisis.”

Elsewhere a protest march, that almost definitely would have changed the government’s mind on Brexit, has been cancelled with organisers stating in a press release:

“While we are still fully committed to telling people exactly why they voted incorrectly in the referendum, many of our members are too weak to physically march so we’ll be focusing our efforts on the comments section of the Guardian website for the time being. #avocadocrisis.”